Nyx

I had a similiar situation with a very close friend of mine. Absolute abhorent views but he had a hard life so I always made excuses and thought I’d be a good influence on him. Thought that maybe I’d change him over time. That was a mistake. Eventually over time I realised that being around him was unpleasant, and it was actually affecting my enjoyment of activities I’d otherwise really be excited for and have fun in. And I noticed that each time he couldn’t make it for something, I’d enjoy it 10x more than when he was there. It also came to a point where I realised that instead of my identity changing his views on the LGBTQIA+ community, it actually solidified and defended his own hateful rightwing beliefs. Because instead of thinking “I’m wrong and my friend has made me realise this” it made him believe “I’m right, and the fact that I am friends with a trans woman proves it.” He could never be called transphobic because he always used his friendship with me as a defence of his beliefs.

It came to a point where I had to do the difficuilt thing of cutting him loose and my mental state has never been better. You never realise how draining it is until you step out of that kind of dynamic. Genuinely felt like a huge weight had been lifted and my only regret is not having done it sooner.

If the friend group is costing you piece of mind and genuinely draining you, you need to decide whether or not you can keep staying in this dynamic and think about the cost it has on you personally. It is hard to find friends these days and I do genuinely hope you can find people who make life more enjoyable. I’ve never been particularly good at it but for what it is worth, you’re welcome to message me for a chat whenever you feel like it. You deserve people who make you feel happy and safe.