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Cake day: May 12th, 2024

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  • ‘Here, suck this,’ said Roosta, offering Zaphod his towel. Zaphod stared at him as if he expected a cuckoo to leap out of his forehead on a small spring. ‘It’s soaked in nutrients,’ explained Roosta. ‘What are you, a messy eater or something?’ said Zaphod. ‘The yellow stripes are high in protein, the green ones have vitamin B and C complexes, the little pink flowers contain wheatgerm extract.’ Zaphod took it and looked at it in amazement. ‘What are the brown stains?’ he asked. ‘Bar-B-Q sauce,’ said Roosta. ‘For when I get sick of wheatgerm.’ Zaphod sniffed it doubtfully. Even more doubtfully, he sucked a corner. He spat it out again. ‘Ugh,’ he stated. ‘Yes,’ said Roosta, ‘when I’ve had to suck that end I usually have to suck the other end a bit too.’ ‘Why,’ asked Zaphod suspiciously, ‘what’s in that?’ ‘Anti-depressants,’ said Roosta. ‘I’ve gone right off this towel, you know,’ said Zaphod, handing it back.