Aw shit am I outing my age when I say “pupper” god damn it.

That’s is also true of service staff at bars and restaurants.

But what’s surprising to me is I learned this is a thing even the staff itself doesn’t seem to realize sometimes. There was a cute bartender I saw frequently who was always extremely cheerful and sweet to me, after she moved out of state, one of the other bartenders at the same tavern told me she was into me and was surprised I never said or did anything…

Like, what the actual fuck the universe fucking hates me. Why tell me that after the fact??? To torture me? Holy shit. You guys are working for tips I can’t trust that just because you’re extra nice to me that you actually like me.

If you are in the service industry and you have a crush on a regular: you have to make the first move, not them. The gendered expectations go out the door. If the regular is the one to make the first move that in of itself is a yellow flag. I’m not saying don’t date them they just might be willing to take the risk but they might also be a oblivious narcissist.

Conversely, people in rural areas are simply desperate for friends. Within 2 months of moving to the country, we had different 2 couples who made it clear they wanted to give being friends a proper go - simply because they are desperate and we seem like we’re on a similar vibe.

You lucked out. I’ve lived in a ton of rural areas and its almost always Trump country and at best maybe some centrist/libertarian wackos or even if there are lefties they’re religious or something. The only rural types that are OKish are the hippy types, and even they can be annoying in large doses with their nonsense spirituality, smell, and cliquey musical tastes. I never end up living near the hippies though.

That said, “desperate to make friends” is something I have observed in rural and suburban areas. Its just by living there, so are you. I’d rather be able to filter through a large number of people and find people that match my specific beliefs as close as possible than be stuck with a dice roll of just a few (sometimes distant) neighbors.

You are going to need to elaborate. Are you saying you choose frequent access to outdoors hobbies rather than socializing or ease of access to a community?

I wish I had that in my 20’s. I’m trying to salvage things in my late 30’s.

Villages can be ok. It still fundamentally limits you to the median type of person though, and I’m pretty strange and picky, I need big numbers so I can find my people.

You’d have ample chances to meet some though. That is basically what I’ve been doing for the past 4 months since moving into my apartment with a surprising amount of success, given how crotchety and autistic I am.

$100,000 could easily be used to save ~20 people from death. I’d press at least like 40 times and donate half to charities that save people from easily preventable diseases and shit in developing countries. Use some to buy a house for me and a house for my mom and then put the rest in various accounts where I and my mom could live off the interest for the rest of our lives.

Honestly, just moving into a semi-walkable 120k pop city did wonders for my social life. Its literally just the convenience of being able to just go and socialize on a dime basically whenever.

People moving into suburbia and rural areas are insane. Just asking for mental illness.

The cynicism is not based on nothing. I don’t crave being toxic. I crave intellectual challenge and general positivity.

The cynicism is born of experiencing reality. Particularly one where I’m a neurological minority among incurious people, people who engage in motivated reasoning, and people so motivated by avarice that they simply lie.

The following quote applies to my offline experience in an allistic dominated world: “I was ashamed of myself when I realised life was a costume party and I attended with my real face” ― Franz Kafka

I now simply play the game now, and fairly well. I still hate it though.

Online, I don’t need to worry about playing allistic games or worry about catastrophic social consequences of being my blunt and honest self. I can dissect things, and try my best to learn how far the ugliness goes.

You require their votes to win any election. Your party is at 30%, just like Republicans; Independents are now 40%.

I don’t require anything. I’m not democratic leadership or a politician, I’m just providing an honest analysis.

If independents and the like are going to change their vote because someone said mean words they simply are petulantly fucking stupid and deserve whatever grifter rightwing politician they get. Like Trump for instance.

Why some Democrats think insulting the majority of the electorate will do them any favors is beyond me… where I’m from, that’s the exact opposite of smart. But I’m sure you’ll figure it all out, professor.

I’m not seeking favors. I don’t give a fuck if democrats win anymore outside maybe some minor material benefit to general well being as a citizen of a country full of morons. Eventually blue states will end up having all the economic leverage anyway, so I’m moving to one as soon as I can (or maybe even eventually out of this shithole country entirely if I can afford to)

You deserve Trump. You deserve all the bullshit he has brought. Go ahead and vote Republican, I do not give a fuck lol. Let the federal government collapse so the blue state economic powerhouses can balkanize and take the proper reigns of government away from fuckwits and fascists.

I used to think so too. Then I had a properly abusive partner. Mentally, physically, financially.

I’m sorry to hear that. I hope you are doing better.

I’ve since come to realize that being in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship is not worth it. And that you need to find meaning in your life BEFORE you can be happy in a relationship.

I don’t believe in a meaning in the first place. Just experiences & seeking contentment.

Also, I have plenty of things I’m into, but I tend to hyper focus on projects. And if I’m focused on something other than seeking a relationship, I seem to be incredibly bad at picking up signals and chances.

Now that I’m hyper fixated on the dating/hook-up/relationship hunt, I notice I’m excellent at it. I’m just kind of miserable doing anything else that I previously enjoyed because I normally enjoy a lot of solo activities and my brain is constantly haunting me with “Shouldn’t you be out looking for a partner?” constantly.

Its not so much that I need a partner to be whole, its that I need a steady partner so I can close out this “project” of mine. I may end up closing it out with a fail state eventually, and I’ll be upset but I’ll be able to live with that because at least I tried. There is a sort of soft end point in mind.

Hmm, perhaps you’re right. Just try to remember that good relationships can exist too, even if you run into several bad ones. Otherwise the bad will consume you.

I’m poly/ENM, don’t believe in “destined love” or Victorian/classic romance, and value my sovereignty a lot. I’m not seeking to own someone or have them own me. I’m simply seeking deep and long lasting love. I’m what you could describe as “Theriromantic” or “Paleoromantic” but those are not terms unfortunately. There is a very low risk of a bad relationship consuming me to the point that I risk being stuck in one.

Here’s an interesting example you just gave me. I don’t think that and never said as much.

It was more or less said when you stated the very premise of “Soft Skills are hard to teach”. But sure, I took a very unnuanced interpretation, that’s my bad.

Now to the example. It’s extremely frowned upon in a conversation to affirm what others think, when they haven’t explicitly expressed so themselves. Specially when the other person is still a complete stranger. It could be interpreted as hostility or an attempt to misrepresent other people’s positions in order to attack them.

I’m not on lemmy to practice soft skills. To be clear: I’m not exactly hostile, just cynical and impatient.

Indeed. See the literal first word of my profile’s description.

Masking in a relationship isn’t healthy.

TBH, at this point the original me is long dead. I am my masks.

Further, there are legitimately elements of my personality that I don’t even share with family. The only place I open myself up is arguably on the internet. I’m a bitter, mean, terrified, self loathing, and arrogant person on the inside. Benevolent in many respects materially perhaps, willing to give time and energy and resources to my friends and family. But on a emotional level I’m a walking festering clump of scar tissue that I cannot dare share with people without bringing about discomfort or even revulsion from them.

Being single is better than the feeling of having to filter yourself for the one person that’s supposed to just get you.

But for the love of flying spaghetti monster, don’t waste your life dating people who make you feel bad for being the pure, unadulterated version of yourself. I’ve made that mistake multiple times. It wears you down over time. You get in a relationship and you’re happy. It takes time to notice you have to pretend you’re someone else. By the end, you hate the other person and yourself. Fuck that. It’s not worth it. Find yourself someone that can’t get enough of your quirkiness.

Just do yourself a favour and start reducing the filter as soon as possible when talking to a potential romantic interest, whether it’s in real life or online. They might find you more interesting that way anyway and you also won’t get stuck wasting your time on someone who doesn’t like the real you.

Be single for as long as I have and you’d realize that being in a bad relationship is at least a life experience. Being single is hollow. Its empty.

A big reason I’ve been single for so long is I’ve been on autopilot and focusing on personal projects, but I’ve essentially missed so many chances due to my obliviousness as a result. Now that I’m hyper fixated on finding someone, I’ve gotten multiple chances and slowly gotten better at the "game’. I’m getting closer, I can feel it. I am miserable doing this “project” though, but that misery will pass once I either find someone or fully give up. I don’t do things half ass. Its all or nothing.

To be frank, I need to experience a bad relationship that lasts longer than a week and that isn’t just a hook up situation. I need the bad experience. I need to fail faster. If the relationship ends up being good, great. But I’ll be glad to feel anything.

And I mean dating apps suck but I’ve met some great people on Tinder of all places. It’s probably the worst of them all, but really the only one with a big enough userbase in my country. It’s a pure numbers game. Even 1% is a big number if you swipe thousands upon thousands of profiles over time. Or join groups for whatever hobby you’re most passionate about. Discord servers will do even. It’s 2026. There’s probably babies out there whose GRANDPARENTS met playing vidya. Nothing to be ashamed of.

I’m using the apps. I definitely despise them, but I’m using them.

Most democratic voters who always vote blue don’t care whether they’re a moderate or leftwing. The ones that are more likely to refuse to vote are the lefties, and while there are some lefties who dislike AOC, most of them would be willing to vote for her and might even be excited to.

Centrists, apolitical, indie voters are all dumb as rocks and don’t pay enough attention and generally just vote on gut feeling. Thus the anti-incumbancy bias will favor any democratic candidate the shove out in 2028.

Make no mistake, the Democrats can still lose, because they’re Democrats. Its just 2028 specifically favors them enough and AOC would move them to be even more favorable, thus worth betting on.

Humans literally evolved highly social minds entirely to rapidly develop soft skills.

You think most people lack soft skills because you placed additional effort into developing them and likely had the head start most average human beings get. Its rare that people start at zero, but some very much do.

I did.

Horror for you as you approach death as well.

If you think you’ll “be ready” when faced by impending oblivion, I’d say maybe, but probably not.

My maternal grampa wasn’t and he was old as shit when he died. The only reason the rest of my grandparents were OK with dying is because they thought they were going to fucking heaven.

Shes going to need to get really creative for that to work. Trump manages to do shit without congress because of corruption, corporate backing, and being nihilistic, impulsive, and being surrounded by yes men.

AOC would be entering a hostile environment and likely wouldn’t be able to tame it, would try to be careful not to do more harm than good, and would be surrounded by well meaning but likely stifling voices of bureaucrats/proceduralists, scientists, and dissenting activists, etc. And she would try to actually listen to all of them, slowing her down and making her easy to undercut by snakes.

Hard skills are easier to teach,

Hard skills are either easy to teach or virtually impossible. It depends on the person. That isn’t to say most people are incapable of learning: its that most people are fundamentally incurious or unmotivated, and teaching an incurious person is fucking impossible unless money is on the line for them.

while soft skills are very hard.

Most people have very little difficulty getting very good at soft skills very early on in life. If you haven’t learned them, you are in a minority. These two are likely in a minority psychological/neurological profile.