I was sleeping in the middle of the night until I woke up overheating and my intrusive thoughts rushing through my mind and doing things like:
- Saying Its the reason I love music and thats why its important.
- I should push a long thick needle in through my eye socket, impale my brain, and end my life. *The only way to be happy is to kill myself
- I will die suffering under capitalism
- gaslighting me into thinking I don’t like music.
- something about bananas
- I will never be happy
- etc.
They were so fast and rapid I couldn’t even counter act the claims. Right now my brain mellowed out and the intrusive thoughts are more easier to fight now. And I am feeling like im in an alternate reality
Hey friend, I’m sorry there haven’t been any responses. It’s not easy to know what to say when someone’s having a tough time, but I know people here feel sympathetic.
I try to remember that intrusive thoughts aren’t things I’m consciouly thinking, and don’t have any bearing on me as a person. It’s just stuff that happens in my brain. Idk if that’s useful, but I wish you well.