My girlfriend-at-the-time’s dirty, dirty ass. Thought it would be like in my fantasies, where it tastes like candyfloss and smells like a Yankee candle. Nope. Shit. Just shit.
If you’re curious, shit tastes exactly as it smells. I wish I didn’t know that. Although I’m happy that now you, too, know that.
And she had the nerve to dump me later. I deserve a Nobel peace prize for not recoiling in horror and instead just powering through in silence like a fucking GENTLEMAN.
On the bright side, it became a great way to ensure future partners were cognisant of the issue. I’d drop it into the usual “what was your ex like?” gossip sessions that come with new relationships. It’s like saying “please wash your various holes if I’m gonna go rooting around in them like an ant-fiending aardvark” without actually saying it. A cautionary fable from days of yore to guide the next generation.
P.S. I’m still pro-anilingus. Just… clean the fuckin’ thing first. I don’t need to be picking dingleberries from between my teeth, thanks.
What the fuck
You literally ate shit?
human centipede.
I have only experienced the smell while having sex. We went out and after getting home I guess she took a shit and in her drunken state didn’t wipe properly cause we went after it doggy style and my god did I smell some dookie. We were both drunk and, you know, I liked her, so I powered through it. But it’s still a very memorable night.
I made a reply a while back about catching H. Pilori from eating ass … but I didn’t realise at the time what had got in my mouth … I just can’t understand doing that intentionally.
For the love of dog, why?
She didn’t even like, shower beforehand??
A particular man’s penis. I realized too late that he didn’t routinely clean under his foreskin.
Was it like parmesan or…?
Piss and stagnant sweat and more.
I don’t know if I ever would have gotten circumcised if it was my own choice, but one thing I’m glad for is it’s damn easy to keep clean.
It’s also pretty damn easy if you’re not circumcised
easy if you’re not
circumcisedmutilatedImpressive comment/username combo
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prone to
doubt
Or more of a cottage cheese?
Fromunda cheese they call it.
Bromunda
Parmeeeseeian?
Oh god, I just remembered this one guy’s cum that always tasted absolutely, horrendously foul. Could not keep doing that.
Guys who drink too much coffee make me wretch
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I too, am familiar with OP’s mom.
As a kid I took a swig off my Mom’s Coca Cola. She had been using the can as an ash tray. Puked for five mins and can recall that taste in a second as an adult.
Cat treat. Ate it on a dare. It was fucking foul. 0/10.
I used to work in a pet food store and tried a bunch of treat samples we had. They’re not very good if you aren’t a dog or a cat, turns out
I remember a food chemist telling me that one of their hardest problems was making things that smell and taste good to dogs and cats, but didn’t smell too gross for the humans.
The smell of canned cat food makes me retch.
The stuff I used to give my cat was fine, but she had kidney disease now and is on a prescription canned-only diet. The new stuff smells gross and it makes her poop smell much worse.
It’s because they’re not giving your pets the same high quality food you get.
No, that was not it at all, according to her. It’s that things that smell really good to the animals don’t generally smell good to humans. She said it would be really easy to make food the animals would be excited about, but their owners would open the can and it would smell bad, so they didn’t want to buy any more of it.
You’ve seen them eating literal poop, right?
You think you get high quality ingredients in store bought snacks and candy ?
Also this. If it’s not an acute health hazard they will sell it in some processed form.
There are posh producers who do 100% freeze dried meat pet food and treats. Even so, probably not something you want or need in your body.
I’ve tried both wet and dry cat food. The wet food was very bad, but still relatively edible. It was also the one I expected to be good (it was one of those really expensive and premium brands). The dry food, however, tasted exactly like fried anchovies. It wasn’t bad, honestly.
Edit: I’ve also tried dog cookies. Most of them are bland, because their main ingredient is actually ash. I don’t know how healthy that is. They’re also pretty hard. However, there’s a specific kind that is actually very tasty, and I liked it. It’s way cheaper than actual human cookies, so I still buy them every once in a while, as a treat. I still don’t know if they’re super healthy to eat, but I’ve never felt sick after eating them.
Actual shit. I was rimming my boyfriend and he had thought he cleaned enough, he was wrong. I immediately threw up washed my mouth out and brushed my teeth. Disgusting, in case I needed to say it.
Live ants.
This was 30 years ago. I lived on the second floor of an apartment. I left a half-eaten bag of Little Debbie chocolate donuts on the floor next to my bed. The next night, in a dark room, watching David Letterman, I remembered and reached for the bag. I was three donuts in before I noticed the slightly strange taste, and the ant crawling on my face.
Ants taste a bit sour and bitter.
Well duh. You didn’t cook em first
Formic acid is named after the scientific name for ants, and is also known as “ant acid” because they make it.
That’s probably the sour part of the taste you described, since acids tend to be. (Think citric or vinegar)In places where it’s not taboo, people like the sour. I’m pretty sure I’ve seen them on a nice salad in place of citrus.
Very similar story. I noticed my second bowl of cereal was moving.
Fresh ginger.
Gasoline. Had to siphon, did it wrong, mouthful of gas.
Ooh, manual transmission fluid also stinks - literally. And it tastes how it smells. And it’s oil so now your mouth and face is all oily. Pro-tip: don’t be an idiot like me, just get the harbor freight siphon pump in the first place
I always hoped petrol would be spicy and sec (dry) - is it not?
It is not spicy. It is oily and hard to rinse out. Very unpleasant. And 0/10 with rice.
Does it taste how it smells?
Yes. But much worse.
Damn. Haven’t seen a “with rice” score for a while.
Thanks for the info, I shall give it a miss. I’m sorry you had to suffer for us to learn.
I’ve had surströmming exactly once and intend to keep it that way.
Malort
Tastes like turpentine and grapefruit juice. The former I’ve actually tried accidentally… dipped my paint brush in my cup of water and took a swig of the other cup. Somehow, the malort was worse. Learned recently that they make a barrel aged version that they claim is
dare we say, sippable
We do not.
Somehow a friend of mine was convinced to try it, and now insists on taking shots of it every night out.
At least the taglines are accurate:
Malort: turning taste-buds into taste-foes for generations!
Malort: tonight’s the night you fight your dad!
Malort: these pants aren’t going to shit themselves!
Malort: the Gary, Indiana of liquor!
The grapefruit reference is accurate. I’d describe it as floor varnish thinner mixed with hyper-concentrated grapefruit rind. The interesting thing is the way it doesn’t actually smell that bad, but then it starts terrible and gets worse after a few seconds. I’m convinced there’s some interesting chemistry going on in there where it degrades into other chemicals as it oxidizes in your mouth.
The only remotely comparable flavor I’ve ever had is…
…Unicum, which tastes like a cedar chest smells, and I was more than a little afraid would make me go blind.
0/10 for both, would absolutely recommend if you want someone to establish a baseline for “absolute worst-tasting thing ever deliberately consumed that is technically meant to be consumed.”
Good God unicum is horrible.
Also Stroh80 is a good contender for worst drink. It tastes like kinder garten glue smells, and it lingers for the rest of the evening. I only took a sip while a friend of mine took a whole shot, and he said the whole evening every time he burped the taste came back
Dumpster juice. That’s the best way I can describe it.
At uni, the go-to liquor at our events was made from malört and we would have shots of it served up. The taste is awful and it sticks in your mouth, I hated every single one but I have never passed it up either.
Did you go to uni in hell or chicago?
Of the two, hell is probably the more accurate description (not in the US though).
I’m from Saint Louis, what’s the difference?
Good stadium nachos
I am one of like less than 2% of the population that actually likes it.
To me, it just tastes like a gin that’s more…dirty? I dunno how else to describe it, but just more “dirty” pine. I actually enjoy it. 🤷♂️
I’m utterly convinced everyone just says malort is gross for the bit. It’s not that bad. There are other bizarre tasting liquors that don’t get the same rep. I’ve had it and, while not great, didn’t really live up to the vomit inducing reputation.
Name me a worse liquor, I’ll buy it next week if I can find it local, and I’ll report back.
Tasted like my grandfather’s shoes
Maggots. I’ve been chasing the high ever since. They were hiding in a pineapple flavored Swiss roll. I thought the maggots were coconut flakes at first. Pina colada is a good flavor. The maggots popping like boba didn’t set any alarm bells off. It was better than the usual coconut crunch. The maggots wriggling against my gums and tongue didn’t set any alarm bells off. It was the only time I ever chewed something that felt carbonated. The lone maggot crawling across my couch away from certain doom finally clued me in. Half of his platoon just got eaten and the other half was without a doubt up next.
The same thing happened to my mom at some point when she was a kid. For her it was an Almond Joy or Mounds, which let the maggots blend in even better. Is it a once in a lifetime thing everybody experiences or a generational curse? I feel cursed with the knowledge that maggots in the right context taste like the fuckin’ future.
It was the only time I ever chewed something that felt carbonated.
Reminds me of a Sardinian thing.
Maggots never looked bad to me. Anything plump with no bones is awfully close to a dish already.
Bro what the fuck did I just read?
hey bud I’ll bet your cum farts are pretty tasty ;)
Jesus Christ.
Jesus Carpenter’s
THE MAGGOT
i mean it sounds like they were actually kinda great and not disgusting tho…
what was your reaction once you realized? did you feel sick?
I felt a little unwell but didn’t throw up. I was more worried about any health problems you could get from eating maggots. I calmed my nerves knowing that maggots are used on gangrenous flesh and won’t eat living flesh. Felt kinda bad throwing the remaining half out though.
Come on now, Mounds/Almond Joy are my favorite. Sometimes you feel like a nut, never do I feel like a maggot.
So one time when I was in grade school I was like really into eating lots of boxes of raisins and everybody in the school gave me the raisins so they could watch me eat a bunch of raisins cuz we were like little kids and you know we’re stupid or whatever and I remember I was dumping each box one at a time onto my plate. Each one another set of raisins and I was getting picked to eat them and then when I dumped one box it came on a plate and it was maggots everywhere. Everybody was horrified because the realization sank on us. Every time you would turn a box of raisins just straight up in into your mouth. You might have accidentally eaten at magus. Some kids decided to try and capitalize and change my nickname to maggot man. But it didn’t really stick because honestly I was weird for a whole lot of other reasons and maggot man was like not really my fault anyway. So it wasn’t a big deal for me.
Penguinz0 type shit
Ugh. Once when I was a kid I got the idea in my head to stick my face in between the couch cushoins and inhale hard. I still can kinda see the cursed salad I was spitting out for a while.
This thread’s got me curious about what my dick would taste like.
this is how it starts
beware of the pipeline
Incoming back pain
My understanding is that it’s more like sucking a dick than like getting your dick sucked.
If it’s clean it tastes like any other clean dick.
A Zataran’s Cajun chicken Alfredo freezer meal…that had been in the un-freezable, non-refrigerated cabinet two weeks.
My wife…gods bless her, was trying to feed me dinner…and found that in the cabinet… after having put it there during our last grocery stock up, not realizing it required freezing. In her defense, it was a grocery order and the item was not something we ordered, so she didn’t know the particulars of it, and it wasn’t cold upon arrival.
After microwaving, she brings me the plate and a fork and I notice the smell is…unique, but me being hungry and not overly picky though “meh…Cajun seasoning…I guess” so i stir the sauce into the noodles and then lick the fork, as one does, preparing to consume.
The weirdest part, is it was fucking sour. Not sour like spoiled, sour like a million warheads sour. I stopped… looked at the stuff, looked at my wife and shuddered. “This is weird…why is it sour?” I said…still not dawning on me that my wife would attempt to poison me so obviously. She disappears and I sit there, with the offending offering on the table in front of me. “Am I brave enough to eat this? I don’t like wasting food…” goes through my head at about the same time as my wife, pale faced and trembling, rushes in and grabs it hollering “don’t eat that! It was supposed to be frozen!”
An oyster
The town I grew up in is famous for them, we even learned about them in school but I’d never tried one
Finally decided to just before I moved away for university and eugh, salty mucus-y blob, had to spit it out again, poor lil guy
I adore oysters. You could have spat it out into my mouth and I would have eaten it.
Is this a service you offer for free?
For the price of admission and a belly full of oysters.
Imagine being a waiter in that restaurant
Only way I eat them is fried. Still not my favorite and kinda weird, but much less slimy.
